One of those days

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Days like yesterday make me wonder if I am too hyper vigilant.. If I worry too much. Is her mito really having all the affects on her that I think it is. I know it is crazy.. but you would be amazed at how much time my brain spends on just these types of questions. She hates all of the vital checks and restrictions. When I see her playing without pause and smiling.. it makes me wonder.

Then we have days like today where she wakes up puffy and sore and tells me she only has two marbles/spoons.. That is not a good start to the day. She tells me to please call and let them know she can’t make it to aquatic therapy. She lays down on the couch and cries if you look at her wrong. Today, she is paying for yesterday’s fun. She HATES naps, but I know that is what she needs. So the dance begins. I find a way to clear the house of all the other family members. I offer to snuggle her on the bed if she is interested… then I sneak away as soon as she starts to sleep.

I find myself in those quiet moments praying for healing.. begging for healing. Then praying for God’s will. I am never quite sure which prayer is the right one. I know that our God is a healing God. I know that God can work miracles, and can do anything. I also know that sometimes the answer to our cry for help is sometimes just going to be no. Not that he doesn’t help.. just not always in the way we ask him to. It sure can make a person crazy. I pray for healing, then his will, then find myself wondering if too much doubt in my mind and heart is why God says no. I realize that their is no truth in the statement.. but man it is hard. I feel like my prayers go round and round with these same lines. I wonder if it is this difficult for me to wrap my mind around what it must be like for Mattie. She is on fire for God! I have also seen her yell and shake her fists at him. In the end she probably has it right. I am sure that God doesn’t mind us being mad.. he is enjoying the conversation.

No real aha moment in this post.. just venting a bit I guess.

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2 thoughts on “One of those days

    Katie L. said:
    July 2, 2011 at 7:45 am

    I love you, Shelly. Your strength, patience and intuitive nature have always awed me! I don’t think there is ever such thing as “over thinking”, you are only being as prepared as you possibly can be for Mattie. In all of your preparations, I am sure you become crazy FEELING….but you are probably one of the most “together” moms I have ever met who deals with the daily stress you contend with. As for Mattie – that girl is amazing…actually, that is a GROSS understatement but I truly don’t know there are words for her. Her spirit, her happiness, her desire to do it all…..I LOVE THAT GIRL! She absolutely has it right with God and at least she feels she can fully express herself with him….and you. Many don’t have that relationship with our Heavenly Father or a great Mom. She has a lot to be grateful for…. I love you so much and miss you too! ((HUGS))

    Angie Hipps said:
    July 2, 2011 at 11:06 am

    I couldn’t agree more with your friend, Katie! I am really touched by your post. Thank you for your open honesty. I also pray for the Lord to heal Mattie, but know that even if she never is, God has a good plan for her life as well as yours. I’m thankful to have you as a sister in Christ. I pray for peace and joy to fill your heart and mind.

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