One of those days

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Days like yesterday make me wonder if I am too hyper vigilant.. If I worry too much. Is her mito really having all the affects on her that I think it is. I know it is crazy.. but you would be amazed at how much time my brain spends on just these types of questions. She hates all of the vital checks and restrictions. When I see her playing without pause and smiling.. it makes me wonder.

Then we have days like today where she wakes up puffy and sore and tells me she only has two marbles/spoons.. That is not a good start to the day. She tells me to please call and let them know she can’t make it to aquatic therapy. She lays down on the couch and cries if you look at her wrong. Today, she is paying for yesterday’s fun. She HATES naps, but I know that is what she needs. So the dance begins. I find a way to clear the house of all the other family members. I offer to snuggle her on the bed if she is interested… then I sneak away as soon as she starts to sleep.

I find myself in those quiet moments praying for healing.. begging for healing. Then praying for God’s will. I am never quite sure which prayer is the right one. I know that our God is a healing God. I know that God can work miracles, and can do anything. I also know that sometimes the answer to our cry for help is sometimes just going to be no. Not that he doesn’t help.. just not always in the way we ask him to. It sure can make a person crazy. I pray for healing, then his will, then find myself wondering if too much doubt in my mind and heart is why God says no. I realize that their is no truth in the statement.. but man it is hard. I feel like my prayers go round and round with these same lines. I wonder if it is this difficult for me to wrap my mind around what it must be like for Mattie. She is on fire for God! I have also seen her yell and shake her fists at him. In the end she probably has it right. I am sure that God doesn’t mind us being mad.. he is enjoying the conversation.

No real aha moment in this post.. just venting a bit I guess.



Thursday Thirteen April 15th

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This has been a totally crappy week.. So I decided it would be a good idea to count 13 things I am thankful for.

2. Family

3. Coffee..lots and lots of coffee

4. Squishy.. better known as Bug, my cat.

5. Growth Groups

6. Good friends…. the kind that cry with you, feed you coffee, and will yap on the phone even when you make them hold 6 times in one call.

7. My cell phone and internet. I would be lost without them.

8. My new car.

9. My recent weight loss.

10. Other Mito and KFS moms.

11. Finger painting in the dust on my t.v, and pollen on my car. The kids love a good canvas.

12. Allergy meds to feed the kids after they have a painting session.

13. Naps.

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Thursday Thirteen

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Thirteen things you may not know about me.

1.  I met my hubby on the phone. We had no idea how old each other were or what we looked like when we met. (remind me not to share this story with my kids.)

2. Steve and I were told we would never have children. Six pregnancies, 3 beautiful babies later… Doctors don’t know everything.

3. I love to read. I will read just about anything.

4. I was born in Germany.

5. I help run, moderate, and or own 7 different online groups. They are all medical or school related.

6. I love organizing groups of people…but hate being in front of a crowd. I love being with people but am also painfully shy.

7. I enjoy medical research online. I wish I had gone to medical school.

8. I LOVE animals. We have 2 dogs, 1 cat, and 4 rats. I would have more…but Steve would move out. 🙂

9. I crochet..but cannot read a pattern.

10. I would love to learn how to read a pattern and sew. I did manage to make a hammock for the rats.. they ate it.

11. I am a published poet. I loved writing poetry when I was younger. It was all dark and gloomy. I haven’t written in years.. I think I got too happy. (:

12. I would be lost without my calendar. Sometime I am lost with it. I am famous for showing up on the wrong day… or double booking.

13. I smoked 2 packs a week (Marlboro reds) for almost 10 years. I stopped smoking 10 years ago. I still love the smell.. I’m weird like that.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others’ comments. It’s easy, and fun!

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View More Thursday Thirteen Participants


Stats Week Five

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This was another slow week. I am trying not to get too disappointed. I am down 0.4 pounds. I have to remind myself that having a smaller amount to lose that it is just going to be a slower process. I can’t expect to see the big numbers some of my friends are pulling.
I am still struggling with the motivation to work out. Seeing all the swim wear in the stores is making me more and more interested in picking up the weights. That’s all for now.


Stats Week Four

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Another rough week… I am trying really hard not to get discouraged. I am down another pound and another half  inch off of my waist. The real disappointment is not in the numbers.. it is in my lack of will power and determination. I have still not started working out. So I know that every pound down is a mix of fat and muscle.

I am really starting to get all of the food stuff down. For the first time in my life I am really thinking about what I am putting into my body. Mind you, I am still eating a lot of crap…but when I do, I know that it’s crap.. It is exciting and frustrating all at the same time. I am still shocked when I think about how many salads that I ate in the past thinking they were good for me and then figuring out I might as well have eaten a brownie. (Think about all those lost brownies.. I think I need a moment.)

Yesterday Steve helped me make two big batches of soup. I made the Quick Black Bean Soup. Steve made a pot of the Curried Split Pea Soup. I put all of the soup in single serving containers and then froze most of it. I can have a quick salad and a container of soup for lunch. I also found some great salad dressing this weekend. The calorie count makes up for the minor loss in taste. A little bit of pepper and a lot of veggies and it was actually pretty good.

I finished up my first bottle of Lipitor and will be picking up prescription #2 tonight. I really wish I had held off on the meds so that I could really see what my change in eating habits has done to the numbers.  Hopefully my numbers will be low enough at my 3 month check up that I will be able to give it a go without the meds.

If you have an awesome low-fat meal your family enjoys shoot me an email or link it here. I would love to start adding some variety to our dinners.


Stats Week Three

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okay… so I totally didn’t post my update Monday morning. Partially because I kept thinking that yesterday was Sunday, and partially because I had a gain….and that is just not really exciting to write about.

I hate when people use excuses

…………………….. but here goes mine! This was a super high stress week. Mattie’s diagnosis hit me like a ton of bricks. While some of my lucky friends lose the ability to eat when stressed, I eat everything in sight. This was one of those weeks. I was like The Very Hungry Caterpillar minus the whole cocoon/butterfly bit.  I don’t think that Dr. OZ  intended the soup on the diet plan to be followed up with a giant chunk of brownie. I did make it with applesauce… that must count for something??? Steve and I did our yearly fondue dinner on Friday. I ate my weight in cheese and lots of fried stuff. It tasted great…but I am fairly certain that the extra 2 pounds were picked up that night.

My waist measurement stayed the same.  Hopefully I have not thrown myself too terribly far off. I am feeling better put together and have lost the urge to eat everything in sight. Starting over again in the morning. The kitchen is stocked with healthy food and I am feeling a bit more myself. It’s a new day, and I am glad to be starting over.


Stats week two

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I am only down 1 pound this week. It has been a high stress week… and I feel great to have survived without a gain. My weight loss total to date is 5.5lbs.  I also lost another half inch around my waist.  Sorry this  update is so short. I will be posting a Mattie update shortly.  I promise to post a better update next week.

How are you all doing with your diet/exercise?